Anger management tips

Do you know how your anger starts, do you know what gave raise to your immediate reaction
Anger often starts as something small and builds up to a rage. You’re impatient over a perceived irritating act done to you, which in flits a recurring nuisance or annoyance in your heart.  Irritation grows as you give more and more significance to a situation, perhaps only a minor incident, but it leads to a judgment and then to blame. You take it personally, feel wronged. Now you’re angry and you feel justified, but justified or not the anger causes incoherence in your heart rhythms and activates stress hormones. Research has shown one five-minute episode of anger is so stressful it impairs your immune system for more than six hours.
Do you know u can manage your anger ?think of this when ever you are raged.
1. change expectations
Since anger arises from failed expectations, changing expectations follows as a natural remedy to bypass the anger alley. That implies being flexible enough to change expectations based on the situation at hand.
So instead of getting upset over a missed appointment, try to acknowledge the missed appointment in a calm manner. Now plan for what needs to be done to recoup the missed appointment.
In essence, what we did is take that appointment out of your "expectations list", and revise the "list" with new a plan. By revising the "list" as you go, you are no longer setting yourself up to be angry when something goes against expectations.
And its amazing how your creative machinery wakes up to come up with viable alternatives to a failed plan, the
moment the cloud of frustration starts to recede.

2. Change Your Internal Dialogue
Here is a good tip for controlling anger. See if you can rephrase your internal dialogue to put a positive spin to your current situation.
Try starting the sentence with "Its a good thing this happened, because u don’t know what happens next.. "
For instance, instead of heating your head on the wall for missing your flight . you can say that I missed the flight", may be  It's a good thing that I missed the flight, now I have some breathing time to read a relaxing novel before my next flight", OR "... sight see for a couple of hours before the next flight."

3. Relax and Take A Deep Breath
This is one of the most common ways to control anger, as well as to reduce stress. Sometimes there is really not much you can do any ways - like when you are stuck in a traffic jam.
There are, of course, anger management games that help us practice dealing with situations that are not entirely in our control, instead of getting upset over them.
But here is another neat trick - If the situation gets aggravating and there is not much you can do about it, one of the common anger management techniques suggested is to breathe slowly - inhale and exhale - freely, normally, effortlessly, about 10 to 15 times.
This just relaxes your tensed up muscles, and when your muscles return to normal state, it's not surprising if you notice your anger fade away as well.
Focusing on relaxing tensed muscles is not only one of the good ways to control anger, but also a great technique for chasing fear away and building self confidence in a stressful situation as well.

4. Take A Break

We all need that sometimes! Take a break from whatever it is you are doing, and get a change of environment if possible. Get out and get a cup of coffee.
Getting away is one of the good ways to help us identify, and consequently address, the REAL issue that is bugging us, as opposed to what we think we are angry at.
You may think its the work load that's causing you to be irritable, but a little introspection might trace it down to the disagreement your spouse had with you a few days back, on what you had then thought to be a relatively minor issue.

5. humor the situation
And the last of the ways to control anger is to try and find humor in the situation. Sometimes it can help subside our temper, if we are able to laugh at the situation, and/or ourselves as well.
For instance, instead of getting annoyed at a nit-picking colleague, you can see that as a funny situation and see if you can guess the next excuse she is going to come up on your work.
If you did, bravo.. you have figured her out, haven't you?
A lot of times, humor helps you take things in the right spirit, and is often an excellent antidote to anger. And laughter is a proven stress remedy as well.

TYPES OF ANGER
Anger can be classified under two categories.
1.Constructive or Destructive anger
2.Passive or aggressive anger.
a. Constructive anger: a constructive anger can be defined as that aspect of anger that can be healing. It is often  lower in intensity than destructive anger, it is seen most times as a positive response to anger. it is a normal reaction to loss, threat or being traumatized
it is also seen as something that can be explored or examined to help you better understand the situation  around you, the other people and  yourself at large. Furthermore, for anger to be constructive, a person must also be aware of that anger. finally, constructive anger is something that is managed appropriately with respect to given to your own needs and the needs of others. Eg.
b. Destructive anger: Destructive anger is a kind of anger that causes harm to the body, to the society and to a relationship. It is a type of anger that is expressed in an unhealthy manner.eg. Acting aggressively towards others. the anger might also be turned inward, resulting in deliberate self-harm or substance use. Destructive anger is often very frequent and strong. It may also be something that the person is unaware of or has tried to avoid but it was to no avail, it is said to be a much nurtured anger in many instances and is hardly managed or healed .destructive anger is associated with long term negative consequences. This is because an angry person may lose his/her objectivity, empathy, prudence or thoughtfulness and may cause harm to others e.g. conspiracy to commit a crime or a capital offence, if carried out is always attracts capital punishment.

2. Passive or aggressive anger
A. passive anger can be defined as that anger that is inward. It’s hardly noticed by another person, also it can be nurtured and does not require immediate reaction.
B. an Aggressive anger; is an instance response to anger eg. Fighting , bulling, quarrelling etc.

Passive Anger
Passive anger can be expressed in the following ways:
a.Dispassion, such as giving someone the cold shoulder or a fake smile, looking unconcerned or "sitting on the fence" while others sort things out, dampening feelings with substance
b. abuse, overreacting, oversleeping, not responding to another's anger, frigidity, indulging in
C. sexual practices that depress spontaneity and make objects of participants, giving
d. inordinate amounts of time to machines, objects or intellectual pursuits, talking of frustrations but showing no feeling.
f.Evasiveness, such as turning one's back in a crisis, avoiding conflict, not arguing back, becoming phobic.
g.Defeatism, such as setting yourself and others up for failure, choosing unreliable people to depend on, being accident prone, underachieving, sexual impotence, expressing frustration at insignificant things but ignoring serious ones.

h.obsessive behavior, such as needing to be inordinately clean and tidy, making a habit of constantly checking things, over-dieting or overeating, demanding that all jobs be done perfectly.
i.Psychological manipulation, such as provoking people to aggression and then patronizing them, provoking aggression but staying on the sidelines, emotional blackmail, false

j. tearfulness, feigning illness, sabotaging relationships, using sexual provocation, using a third party to convey negative feelings, withholding money or resources.

k.Secretive behavior, such as stockpiling resentments that are expressed behind people's backs, giving the silent treatment or under the breath mutterings, avoiding eye contact, putting people down, gossiping, anonymous complaints, poison pen letters, stealing, and conning.
Self-blame, such as apologizing too often, being overly critical, inviting criticism.

Aggressive Anger
The symptoms of aggressive anger are:

a.Bullying, such as threatening people directly, persecuting, pushing or shoving, using power to oppress, shouting, driving someone off the road, playing on people's weaknesses.

b.Destructiveness, such as destroying objects as in vandalism, harming animals, destroying a relationship, reckless driving, substance abuse.

C.Grandiosity, such as showing off, expressing mistrust, not delegating, being a sore loser, wanting center stage all the time, not listening, talking over people's heads, expecting kiss and make-up sessions to solve problems.

D.Hurtfulness, such as physical violence, including sexual abuse and rape, verbal abuse, biased or vulgar jokes, breaking confidence, using foul language, ignoring people's feelings, willfully discriminating, blaming, punishing people for unwarranted deeds, labeling others.

e.Manic behavior, such as speaking too fast, walking too fast, working too much and expecting others to fit in, driving too fast, reckless spending.

f. Selfishness, such as ignoring others' needs, not responding to requests for help, queue jumping.
g.Threats, such as frightening people by saying how one could harm them, their property or their prospects, finger pointing, fist shaking, wearing clothes or symbols associated with violent behaviour, tailgating, excessively blowing a car horn, slamming doors.

I.Unjust blaming, such as accusing other people for one's own mistakes, blaming people for your own feelings, making general accusations.

J.Unpredictability, such as explosive rages over minor frustrations, attacking indiscriminately, dispensing unjust punishment, inflicting harm on others for the sake of it, using alcohol and drugs,[20] illogical arguments.

K.Vengeance, such as being over-punitive, refusing to forgive and forget, bringing up hurtful memories from the past.